Day 78
The hardest thing about being a parent is knowing when to be what and never knowing if you are who you need to be then. Sometimes you push, other times you pull, and often you just try to be there to break a fall. There is no script to this sitcom known as life, there are no retakes, and you have know idea wen the show will be canceled.
John has been back for three days now. Saturday, I took him to Target to buy jeans another size smaller - 32 waist now (6 foot 3 and 158 pounds). I put another notch in his belt as well - smaller. Jonas and Dan came over for the evening to play video games and watch DVDs. That's a lot of activity for someone who has spent most of the last 77 days in a hospital bed.
Earlier Sunday, he met them at ComicCon, a local convention for comic book traders. Being well enough to go was a goal of his, and even though he wasn't strong, he went. I chose just to say, "Be very careful" and then I went out warm his car and wipe its interior down with Lysol.
He came back with a bag of comics, and was exhausted, so he rested most of the rest of the day. He's eating, but not nearly enough to gain his strength back. There are horses and water, chickens and eggs, rabbits and hares, but there are no pigs that fly and no comparison to measure what life is like learning to care for a nearly grown child with a will of his own who is also learning how to cope with a life-threatening disease.
I'm sure every half-decent parent wonders half of the time whether to push a child to succeed or let the child find himself in his own time. It's harder when it's not "success", but life that is the choice. For someone with, at best, a 50/50 chance, you want to shelter, protect and push with all your will to give him a chance to live, but for whatever side the coin lands on for him, what would all that do to prepare him to deal with life or the other side.
I said something not quite so direct to John last evening about my own uncertainty; that is, that I wasn't sure how to be the best help for him. I told him I probably didn't push him as much as some might, but I did want him to want to be better and to work for what was best for him. If it's hard for me to know what to do, it has to be so much more so for him. It's his own life, his future and he has his own 21 year-old uncertainties.
I have always been one to say, "I can do that" and then, like Roethke, I would "learn by going where I have to go." John has always been one to hold back until he was comfortable that he knew what to do. Now I am learning to wait, while I hope he will learn where he has to go. I guess, as for me, wherever that is, I will go there with him as far, and as long, as I can.
John has been back for three days now. Saturday, I took him to Target to buy jeans another size smaller - 32 waist now (6 foot 3 and 158 pounds). I put another notch in his belt as well - smaller. Jonas and Dan came over for the evening to play video games and watch DVDs. That's a lot of activity for someone who has spent most of the last 77 days in a hospital bed.
Earlier Sunday, he met them at ComicCon, a local convention for comic book traders. Being well enough to go was a goal of his, and even though he wasn't strong, he went. I chose just to say, "Be very careful" and then I went out warm his car and wipe its interior down with Lysol.
He came back with a bag of comics, and was exhausted, so he rested most of the rest of the day. He's eating, but not nearly enough to gain his strength back. There are horses and water, chickens and eggs, rabbits and hares, but there are no pigs that fly and no comparison to measure what life is like learning to care for a nearly grown child with a will of his own who is also learning how to cope with a life-threatening disease.
I'm sure every half-decent parent wonders half of the time whether to push a child to succeed or let the child find himself in his own time. It's harder when it's not "success", but life that is the choice. For someone with, at best, a 50/50 chance, you want to shelter, protect and push with all your will to give him a chance to live, but for whatever side the coin lands on for him, what would all that do to prepare him to deal with life or the other side.
I said something not quite so direct to John last evening about my own uncertainty; that is, that I wasn't sure how to be the best help for him. I told him I probably didn't push him as much as some might, but I did want him to want to be better and to work for what was best for him. If it's hard for me to know what to do, it has to be so much more so for him. It's his own life, his future and he has his own 21 year-old uncertainties.
I have always been one to say, "I can do that" and then, like Roethke, I would "learn by going where I have to go." John has always been one to hold back until he was comfortable that he knew what to do. Now I am learning to wait, while I hope he will learn where he has to go. I guess, as for me, wherever that is, I will go there with him as far, and as long, as I can.
Hang in there.
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